The surgery to replace my tissue expanders with real breast implants happens in a month and I was told by my plastic surgeon to shop around for the right-sized boobs. What? She suggested that I look through the pages of Playboy and the Victoria’s Secret catalogue to do this. But I really don’t want to look at other women’s healthy, beautiful breasts while I’m still missing my own. Sure, my old boobs were way too large and were further south than they needed to be, but they were mine.
People try to cheer you up by telling you that one of the perks of breast cancer is getting new boobs, but this only partly true. Yes, getting new boobs means that the old ones, you know, the ones that tried to kill you, are no longer threatening your life and that you might get a better-sized and better-located pair. But, the loss of sensation can never be recovered and I will miss that. That may explain why many women get implants but don’t bother to have the nipple and areola created.
I am excited to get my new implants, which will be more comfortable than the tissue expanders that I’ve had to put up with. I can’t even sleep on my side with them, but it’s another surgery, another recovery period and even if they look beautiful, which I’m sure they will, I will always miss my old, imperfect breasts.
I’m worried how this surgery will affect the sensation I do have in my chest area. Many women report not having any feeling over their entire chest after bilateral mastectomy, but except for my underarm, I still have feeling. Occasionally, I even get strange, “phantom” sensations; sensations like my nipples are still there. I could be doing something around the house and all of a sudden, I feel exactly like I used to feel when my nipples rubbed against my T-shirt. I guess it’s akin to the phantom pain that people who lose limbs feel. I didn’t appreciate those sensations before my surgery and almost always wore a bra to avoid them.
Even if these phantom sensations don’t last forever, I now welcome them.
Gotta go look at some “porn”. I’ll let you know how my shopping goes.
Dear Mimi,
It has been several months since we last corresponded and I’m glad to know you are all excited with your new project. My cup size was C and that is what I wanted. Not too big not, too small. I was recommended to ask the doctor to put a little more than I actually wanted. Point being that I had nothing and when they remove the expanders it would be like a clean slate where you have to put everything.
If you did not do radiation your breasts will look and feel great. I do on the side that didn’t have radiation. On the other side it is not the same sensation and it is quite hard. Also since they removed some lymph nodes there is an indentation.
What bothers me most is the incision for the port. It has stretched with the weight of the implants. Extremely uncomfortable and at time it hurts. I would never recomend anybody to put the port on their chest. The incision is visible and ugly, and has become a constant reminder of my cancer. I wish doctors had been more upfront with me on that.
Good luck on your surgery. It will be much easier than the first. You are now a pro.
Take care,
Nair
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Hi Nair:
I never did radiation, but I now have a friend that I met in the Wellness Center that is opting to do it. She also went through chemo. She told me that radiation makes the skin less elastic, and it also increases the rick of lymphedema. I hope and pray that I will never need radiation or chemo, but I guess we all have to do whatever it takes when it comes to battling the big “C”. I have no experience with ports, but have seen many women who have them and I agree that there should be a better way to do this, one that is less noticeable. Right now, I am hopeful that one day breast cancer (and all cancers for that matter) will be cured without cutting, burning, poisoning and scarring.
I am so sorry to hear that your scar is a constant reminder. I try not to look at mine right now, but even if they get fixed during my next surgery, I will still be scarred emotionally. This BC thing really stinks!!!!!
Thanks for keeping in touch. I hope we can talk again soon.
Mimi
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Wondering who has found a physician for reconstruction that they are happy with???? My sister has had a lumpectomy with one group of nodes taken out. She was lucky enough to be a candidate for Brac radiation therapy.(only radiating the site). She has had an implant left in the other breast. One doc advised leaving that alone and another wants to redo that one as well as reconstruction. Very confusing….
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